Sneaky Pete

Dear Isaac,

I'm so glad you've learned right from wrong at such a young age.   Here's a helpful hint:  If you want to do something you know you aren't supposed to, like climbing on your table, it's probably not a good idea to flip out when I come into your room, yelling "Go out room, Mommy!  Go away!"  It tends to draw unnecessary attention to your antics and therefore it becomes impossible for you to try your death-defying tricks. 

Love,

Mommy

PS - You can tell me to get out of your room whenever you want to.  Unlike Eleanor, I am not omnipotent, so it really helps with my parenting to know you're about to do something you shouldn't.

Sound is Funny Like That

Dear Isaac,

You are such a friendly little boy and love to narrate what you see happening around you, or tell people what you know.  Here's a helpful hint - when there are 5 mommies sitting in a circle and you are standing in the middle, they can all hear you.  Therefore, you needn't go up to each of them individually to tell them that "Daddy go a work, a get money". 

It's cute anyway.

Love,

Mommy

The Park is More Fun if You Sleep in a Crib

Dear Eleanor,

I know you're probably not thinking about all of the fun you'll have at the park in the spring when you can hold your own head up, but trust me when I say, the park is more fun if you sleep in a crib.  Your brother shared your affinity for sleeping in the swing-  until he was 8.5 months-old, in fact.  As a result, every time we went to the playground, he would fall asleep in the swings, instead of having fun like the other kids.  You don't want to be that kid.  Other mommies will laugh at you (and by default, at me).

Love,

Mommy

Superpowers

Dear Isaac,

You are a very smart boy.  You know all of your letters and can even identify which letters some words start with.   Not to burst your bubble, but this does not mean you can read.  Therefore, it seems a little implausible that you can't sleep because the "bunny book" (Guess How Much I Love You) cannot be found and therefore you cannot take it to bed with you.  Even if you can secretly read, I very much doubt you have the ability to read in the pitch dark. 

Love,

Mommy

Tim Is Also My Doodlebug/"Tuck In!"

Dear Tim,

Isn't it annoying how Isaac asks to be tucked in 5-6 times before going to bed at night?  Especially when you're trying to get work done, or I'm trying to soothe Eleanor?  At least after awhile he goes to bed.  I don't think, however, telling a two year-old "I'm not speaking to you", is easily understood.  That answer doesn't negate his request at all.  He doesn't want to speak to you.  He just wants you to "Tuck in, Daddy".

Love,

Isaac and Eleanor's Mommy

The Most Wonderful Time of the Day

Dear Eleanor and Isaac,

It is unacceptable to be awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night and it is equally unacceptable to wake up for the day at 4:30AM.  Therefore, I have no choice, but to announce to the world (or my 7 readers) that naptime is my favorite part of today.  Hopefully tomorrow my favorite part of the day will have something to do with spending time with both of you.  Maybe we'll even change out of our pajamas.

Love,

Mommy

Etiquette

Dear Eleanor,

When guests travel from hours away to meet you and spend time with you, it is generally considered good manners to stay awake for a least a small portion of the visit.  It is also good manners to spend time awake during the day so that both you and Mommy can get some sleep at night.  Just a couple of things to consider.

Love,

Mommy


Dear Isaac,

People in most social circles prefer their hosts to wear pants.  Therefore, when we have guests visiting, it is not ideal to use your charm to lure them into your bedroom and then remove your pants.  While it was adorable to hear you tell Angela, Nadine and Char to "Come, people!" so that they would go into your room, taking off your pants to celebrate their presence was not.

Love,

Mommy

Frenzy

Dear Eleanor,

If your current eating habits are in any way similar to the habits you will have later in life, I fear we will not be able to afford to keep you.  Six meals in three hours is a lot, even for the most generous wallet.

Love,

Mommy

What doin', Mommy?

Dear Isaac,

If I had counted, I am almost sure that I have answered the question, "What doin', Mommy?" no less than 150 times today.  This has something to do with your penchant for asking said question many times in rapid succession.  Henceforth, to preserve my sanity, and truly answer your question, the only way I will be able to respond is, "Answering the question 'What doin', Mommy?'"

I just tried this response and it seems to be acceptable, as instead of asking the question again, you just said, "OK" and then asked Daddy, "What doin'?"

Rachel

Re: Zzzzz

Dear Eleanor,

I was being facetious.  I really wanted more than 10 minutes of sleep.  Thanks anyway.

Love,

Mommy

Zzzzzzzzz

Dear Eleanor,

It's 8:45PM and I am going to bed.  I assume you know this already.  If you can find it in your heart to let me sleep for at least 10 minutes before waking up I will be eternally grateful.

Love,

Mommy

Top Chef?

Dear Isaac,

I really love how you compliment me during every meal by telling me I'm a "good cook, Mommy! yum, yum" multiple times.  In the spirit of full disclosure, however, I must tell you that your compliments at lunch today would have been more appropriately directed towards one Mr. Frank Perdue, as he concocted your chicken nuggets.  All I did was push a button on the microwave.

Love,

Mommy

Your Future Is Bright

Dear Isaac,

You may have a future in investigative journalism or criminal justice.  I believe your repetitive lines of questioning would get you any answer you desire.  Today, you asked, the following questions innumerable times:

"Where's Eleanor?"

"What doin', Mommy?"

"Where Daddy go?"

"Where ball go?"

"Where'd friends go?"

If I had a dollar for each time I answered those questions today, I wouldn't need a part-time job.  I'd be independently wealthy.  Your future is bright.

Love,

Mommy

PS - One of the mommies from playgroup found your ball.  She's going to bring it over tomorrow.  You'll have to find a new question for your collection.

Hey Good Lookin'

Dear Eleanor,

I am so glad you have found your smile.  It is beautiful.  I hope it's always as pure as it is today at 6.5 weeks old.

Love,

Mommy

RE: Getting To Know You

Dear Eleanor,

Please disregard the letter from Sept. 18 about how well you know me.  You have shown that you know me perhaps better than anyone else in the world.  Maybe even better than I know myself.  If this weren't the case, you wouldn't have such an uncanny ability to wake up either exactly two minutes before I go to bed, or two minutes after.  Clearly an alarm clock is unnecessary.  You are omnipotent.

Love,

Mommy

Your Sister is Neither a Footrest Nor a Pillow

Dear Isaac,

You know that after making sure you are safe, it is also very important to me that you be comfortable.  However, it is also important to me that your sister remains unharmed while you are comfortable.  Therefore, please note, your sister is neither a footrest nor a pillow and would prefer not to be treated as such. 

Love,

Mommy

Getting to Know You

Dear Eleanor,

I feel like you haven't really gotten the chance to know me.  Please believe me when I say I am much more pleasant when I get more than 3.5 hours of sleep.  I'm guessing you are too.

Love,

Mommy

Riddle Me This

Dear Isaac,

Puzzles and riddles are great fun, but please note, I will never speak in code when I want you to do something.  For example, if I am making your lunch, and Eleanor is crying and I ask you to sing her a song to make her happy, I am not actually asking you to cover her face with a blanket.

Love,

Mommy

If I Knew Picasso

Dear Isaac,

I don't mean to stifle your creativity, however, crayons are to be used on paper.  We like our doors and walls just the way they are.  I'm sure Picasso's mom would have stopped him from coloring all over the house too.

Love,

Mommy

Bribery Makes for Effective Parenting

Dear Eleanor,

If you go to sleep, I'll buy you a pony.

Love,

Mommy